Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
