I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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