I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
