what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
