this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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