I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
