fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
