last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
NoShamevember. You game?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
