Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
