I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
