Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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