I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
