I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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