I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
