About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
