Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
