He disabled his match.com account in front of me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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