Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
