She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
