you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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