Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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