at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
