Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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