how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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