I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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