i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
