i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
