I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
