I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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