I'm gonna have a badass scar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
me + whiskey = a bad person
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
