matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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