I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
