Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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