I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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