I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
