Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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