Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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