i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
