Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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