what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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