I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize