Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
