Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
