is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
