I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
