My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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