who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
