i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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