Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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