porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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