she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize