i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We left the knife in your bed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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