Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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