:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
