yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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