i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
