I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
