there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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