Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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