I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize