Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
