Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize