I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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