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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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