Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
