I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
