My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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