someone get that fucking seahorse.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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