Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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