im holly from the hills drunk
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize