I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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