she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
