who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
