Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
