So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
