last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
