he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize