So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
