So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
