Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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