Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
