Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
