I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
