I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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