I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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