Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
