i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
