we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
