Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
