One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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