I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you had me at cake vodka
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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