Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
