Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
