if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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