The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
