the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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