My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
